Lou Lou's World!

A 30 something girl in an ordinary world

My Family
Lou Lou - Me!::::::: Hubby - Long suffering husband ::::::: Princess - My almost 11 year old daughter ::::::: Beast Dog - My collie cross (who is anything but a beast! ::::::: Arum and Scarum - My folks::::::: Sis- My little sister who is taller than me!::::::: Scarlet - My bestest friend
Medically Me!
The two biggest medical events were in 1998 when I fractured my spine and in 2003 when I had a golf ball sized benign tumour removed from my breast.
Odd Me!
I broke my wrist trying to recreate Balero on roller skates, on my own... (twat)::::::: I'm very scared of mice, but cockroaches don't really bother me!(as much)::::::: I am a bit compulsive about washing my hands ::::::: I have Singstar rating singing "Heaven is a Place on Earth!"
Under Construction! - More to come here!
Friday, December 11, 2009
The 24th of November arriving brought with it the realisation that it was coming up fast, that I don't want to face it, i'm not ready.

With every christmas song on the radio, every wish, every card, my sadness is taking me over.

This morning I was unable to decorate our office at work, the tears fell. It's been almost a year coming, maybe finally I can grieve.

But to grieve i have to accept, accept he's gone.

Forgive. Forgive him for dying on Christmas eve. Leaving me with the legacy of hurt and pain on what should be a happy time. Forgive him for having to tell my daughter, who idolised him that he had gone to heaven oh and by the way Santa is coming tonight.

So my house is undecorated, cards are unwritten. I only finally started my Christmas gift shopping last night.

I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy, I want to be festive.

It's easy to be here, countries away I thought. Easy not to have to face it day after day. Who am I kidding?

Scarlet came for a visit last month, wonderful and emotional times. A trip down memory lane, ghosts and demons laid to rest amid many many tears. It was truly wonderful to have her here if only for a few days. nothing has changed.

L x
posted by Lou Lou @ 10:09:00 pm  
About Me

Name: Lou Lou
Home: Europe
About Me: I'm 5ft 3 1/2 and i have green eyes and long brunette hair that tends to have a mind of its own
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