Lou Lou's World!

A 30 something girl in an ordinary world

My Family
Lou Lou - Me!::::::: Hubby - Long suffering husband ::::::: Princess - My almost 11 year old daughter ::::::: Beast Dog - My collie cross (who is anything but a beast! ::::::: Arum and Scarum - My folks::::::: Sis- My little sister who is taller than me!::::::: Scarlet - My bestest friend
Medically Me!
The two biggest medical events were in 1998 when I fractured my spine and in 2003 when I had a golf ball sized benign tumour removed from my breast.
Odd Me!
I broke my wrist trying to recreate Balero on roller skates, on my own... (twat)::::::: I'm very scared of mice, but cockroaches don't really bother me!(as much)::::::: I am a bit compulsive about washing my hands ::::::: I have Singstar rating singing "Heaven is a Place on Earth!"
Under Construction! - More to come here!
Good day
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
So, today I am positive, I am brimming with positivity!
Why the change?
I have no fecking idea!
I woke up this way, afflicted with positivity.....

I've actually had a nice day, done a little shopping, had a nice meal with hubby this evening, even the screaming hissy fit princess has this afternoon on what she was wearing has not dented this feeling of ++++.

Oh yes, she is hormonal, Help me GOD!
You would not believe the tantrum she threw because I advised her to .....wear a long sleeved top. Jees, it's been 2 degrees and less all day, with hale stones thrown in for good measure and she wants to go out in a pair of bloody leggings and a practically off the shoulder t shirt. ( She was going to wear a coat)

She is a madam. and no doubt my parents think I was just like her. Often in the past when i have referred to moments of madams hissy fits my parents, especially my oh so supportive mother have laughed themselves into a stupour, telling my "it's devine retribution"!!!!! I mean, the bloody nerve of them. Everyone knows what a sweet trouble free zone I was as a teenager. Princess is not even bloody 11 yet...... will she make it? haha

So that's it from me for today, will the +++++ continue? stay tuned!

posted by Lou Lou @ 8:57:00 pm  
Monday, January 28, 2008
For so long now Scarlet has been awol from "Stop" and I've left it all as it was, just in case she came back. But she hasn't, it's been probably 2 years since she last posted. So I decided to make some subtle changes in the interim before I administer a complete overhall.

I'm feeling a lot more sparkly now than I was. Not so sorry for myself. I met some nice people over the weekend, and it's restored my faith in myself a bit.

My camera is buggered. I've no idea why, it's just been sat on the shelf. I'm hoping it doesn't have anything to do with the pic i was trying to take at the time, maybe my very scary arse put it into shock. (no i wasn't taking a pic of my arse, just above it actually as I was wanting a nice pic of my tattoo as the only one I have is from the day I had it done and you can't get it's full beauty.

Did I tell you i'd had one done? no? well i did, it's on my lower back and didn't really hurt at all, only the bit that touches the top off my bum really ouched, it's a one off designed for me by a competely talented tatooist! I had it done in october, and it looked fab with my bikini, sadly now I have no chance to show it off as it's rathe too cold! Still i know it's there, and thats the reason i had it done, for me cos i wanted it for a long time and no other reason.

I've just baked a loaf of bread and it's smelling amazing, i'm starving but it has to cool lots before it's sliced, either that or i go through to the kitchen rip the top off it and hollow it out lol I think left overs from the fridge are looking good - and often are better than whatever else i was gonna make!

oh well i will go feed my starving belly. Talking of changes, i'm going to try and post a bit more often and maybe even post some pics, once i've got a new camera anyway! ( i've got one in mine, it's a big upgrade from mine now, technology has moved on so much)

L xxx
posted by Lou Lou @ 12:27:00 pm  
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i've never really felt so alone as i have done lately. well apart from the first 3 months of my last life changing move, but then i had the tumour then too so i was bound to feel down and isolated.

this move has been hard. i've said goodbye to my life as i knew it and once more need to start again. whilst in some ways this can sound like a lot of fun - reinvention, in a way, in others it is oh so very hard. some of my goodbyes were such a wrench.

hubby has slotted right in in his new job, and princess is happier as each day goes by she has a great school and some lovely friends. it's me sat feeling like a square peg in a round hole, sat a right billy no mates as i struggle to meet new people and "get myself out there".

It's not a language problem, i can more than make myself understood it's a connection problem.

I just can't seem to "connect" with anyone.

I spent some time with an old friend last week, it really hammered home what my life is missing right now.

I wonder if anyone notices the sadness i try so hard to hide.

Now don't get me wrong, i'm not unhappy.

I'm not unhappy with my life, i love my hubby, daughter and dog to death and nothing will change that

i'm just sad for the life i left behind.

I know i'll make this life bigger and better, i know i'll make lots of fantastic friends and i know how much my new house already feels like home

it's just these things take time, and i want them NOW!

I miss the silly phonecalls, the dropping in, the sharing of laughs, loves and even the moans

Right now i just feel lonely and i want to cry.

posted by Lou Lou @ 1:00:00 pm  
wallow wallow
Sunday, January 13, 2008
It's been a funny week.

I've felt rather sorry for myself..

one night it resulted in dinner in the oven whilst i sat in a dark room lit with candles drinking gin and tonic listening to music

it made me feel better, honest it did

sometimes there's nothing better than a good wallow

i've felt very alone. there are hours every day i see no one and speak to no one aside from my darling dog who is right now my best friend and confidant.

i've been coughing so hard, i'm terrified my jaw is going to pop out.. jees it hurts

i've smashed glasses

i dropped my medicene bottle on the floor, what a bloody mess that was

i'm not sleeping

i guess the sad has kicked in big time and the major contributer to that is no bloody sunshine

i got all poshed up last night and went out, got home at 4am....up at 10.30am and walked the dog to the bakery for fresh rolls and choccie croissants to feed T and her girls when she dropped princess off

actually the first thing i did when i got up was clean the bathroom.... hubby is rather unwell

i'm not sure why, he certainly wasn't particularly drunk not enough to have been this ill. and i ate everything he ate apart from the pudding and i'm fine. he's still in bed and showing no signs of emerging it's almost tea time.

i have a mountain of ironing and just realised princesses school uniform has not been washed and dryed yet.

i'm going now, i;m boring myself


love l
posted by Lou Lou @ 3:01:00 pm  
Do Dyna tagged me to write to my 13 yr old self, so i'm going to try....
Monday, January 07, 2008
(I've tried to be objective and not waffle as I have a tendancy to do!!!! I've also tried to keep it direct and unemotional, it's far too hard to put myself though some of the shit)

Dear Little LouLou,

About losing sleep:

You lose to much sleep worrying about what other people think of you.

You lose too much sleep worrying.

Quit carrying the world on those little shoulders of yours girly.

About Peers:

Ignore those "we're not worthy" bitches, they're only jealous you can eat what you want and still look like a twig and you've got a personality.

You walk around with your heart on your sleeve. Try not to show your feeling's so much honey.

You will be battered and bruised by "friends" you feel you can trust, you can't. They will all shit on you, no matter how hard you seek their approval, they will never, ever be true friends however much you think they are at the time.

Be careful who you trust. You are far too trusting. You will be hurt and it will damage the way you look at life and people.

About Dating:

You've 3 years of dating arseholes, falling for lads who try to get in your knickers becuase you're a challenge.

The taunts will hurt, the whispers you're frigid, tight, a tease

You were right to keep your knickers on and wait for "Mr Right" unlike your so called mates.

About Loss:

At 17 you will lose the woman you adored, your Grannie. Your heart will break as she passes to the other side. You will never get over the fact you arrived too late to say goodbye. You will always miss her. She was a lady, a true lady.

Nana will also dissapear from your life a few years later, you will not be at her bedside as she passes. It's better to remember her as she was, vital, sparky and downright bloody stubborn and oppinionated. As you grow older you'll realise she really was inspirational, a strong woman of her time. You will never feel she is completely gone. You will cry but never grieve completely because of this. She will always be there in the background.


Wear a bloody back protector!! You might not have thought it was worth it to take a few jumps, well lady, it would have saved your back from being broken and absolute agony.

You will find a lump in your breast when you're 30, you did everything right. You'll be okay, although it won't be easy you'll get through it and heal. The scar will always remind you how lucky you are.

Try harder to stay in touch with N. You shared an amazing experience, the birth of Princess, it's a travesty you girls lost touch.

Good Stuff:

At 17 you will meet a man. He will be come your friend and you'll fall in love. You'll both know it's for keeps before that first amazing kiss. You're still together, happily married with a beautiful daughter and dog!

At 22 you will meet the best friend you will ever have, you will click in the instant you meet and however far away you are from each other you will always remain "accross the road". Treasure this friendship. She is a wonderful woman with great strength, a beautiful person inside and out. She is amazing, an inspiration a bundle of joy and fun with a laugh that warms you through.

The arrival of Princess will be the most precious moment in your world. (also one of the hardest) She will be your be all and end all. she is beautiful and very much a part of you and hubby. You will lose a part of him the moment he holds her in his arms, he will no longer be purely yours. You wil be a family.

Your wonderful parents will always be there for you and although you may be accross the world, at you will be they would drop everything for you. Treasure them. (The awful things that will happen to them will heal, you will be scared, terrified, but they'll be ok)


There is so, so much I could add to this list but i'm not going to.

Your life needs to follow it's path and it's not for me to tell you how to live it. You need to learn so you can grow, so you can become the strong fiesty woman you now are, the loving mother and wife you now are. You need to experience the pain, the fear, the love, the laughs the sadness.

I'll leave you with something our mother told me.

"Shit happens to other people, We're just the other people"

Be strong little girl, walk tall


L xxxx


Whoops forgot to tag!!!!

Ole Blue

I've tagged you guys to write your own letter to your 13 year old self!
Dyna baby I would have tagged you, but honey you aready did it! xx

posted by Lou Lou @ 9:15:00 am  
About Me

Name: Lou Lou
Home: Europe
About Me: I'm 5ft 3 1/2 and i have green eyes and long brunette hair that tends to have a mind of its own
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